The Complete Alcatraz by Brandon Sanderson

I have to confess that when this weighty tome thumped onto my doormat I groaned. I sort of gave up on reading novels that long after Vikram Seth's A Suitable Boy damaged my shoulder muscles and tested my concentration skills too. But I needn't have worried. This book might be a bit on the heavy side, physically speaking, but there's nothing heavy about it in the enjoyment sense of the word. Well, unless you believe the central conceit....

I am not a good person.

My purpose is to show you the truth about me, and to prove that I am not the hero everyone says I am. 

In the Hushlands - those Librarian-controlled nations such as the United States, Canada and England - his book will be published as a work of fantasy.

Do not be fooled! This is no work of fiction, nor is my name really Brandon Sanderson.

I know the events of my life may seem wondrous and mysterious.

I will do my best to explain them, but please remember that my purpose is not to entertain you.

My purpose is to open  your eyes to the truth.

This is my story - the story of a selfish fool.

The story of a coward.

The story of Alcatraz Smedry.

And there you have it. This is the story of Alcatraz Smedry, told over four books (which were originally sold separately) in a wonderfully snarky and knowing voice that guides us through the anarchic events that follow his thirteenth birthday and the receipt of a bag of sand that his father has sent him.

Alcatraz has reeled from foster parent to foster parent, never making attachments with any, always accused of destroying things and plagued by the constant attention of his 'social worker' Ms Fletcher. Then the aforementioned birthday comes and all hell is let loose. He meets the grandfather he never knew he had, along with a crew of oddball relations and a thirteen year old girl-knight, called Bastille, who all claim to have come from the Free Kingdoms to retrieve the sand and rescue him. Unfortunately the sand has already been taken by Ms Fletcher which leaves Alcatraz, Grandpa Smedry, the uncles and Bastille with the task of retrieving them.

You may ask why all the fuss over a bag of sand. But, as Grandpa reveals, these are the Sands of Rashid, which Alcatraz's father had risked his life to collect and their value is immense (although we only find out why later). Grandpa also reveals that Ms Fletcher is Librarian and that she almost certainly wants the sands for her own nefarious purposes. 

So off they go to infiltrate the downtown library, take on the librarians in their stronghold, and retrieve the sands. And en route Alcatraz discovers that being a Smedry is special. He's sort of royalty in the Free Kingdoms, but more importantly, like all Smedrys  he has a talent. He breaks things. Grandpa arrives late. Uncle Sing trips over.

Of course, talents aren't that simple. As the books progress, Alcatraz discovers more and more ways of the talents can be bent to advantage. In the first book, Sing, for example, trips immediately before something dangerous is about to happen, which gives everyone warning to duck or hide. Grandpa's lateness means bullets can't hit him which is very useful when librarians are shooting at you. And Alcatraz's own breaking talent turns out to be the most powerful and versatile of all.

As that little explanation of talents might indicate, this is a totally bonkers, riotous quartet of books. The moment one bizarre climax is over, the next occurs leaving the reader breathless and forever turning the page. And the whole text is shot through with asides to the reader that are eclectic, weird and sometimes just plain funny and tell you more about Brandon Sanderson, I suspect, than they do about Alcatraz.

All of which makes me wonder quite who this book is aimed at. It's published by a children's publisher (Orion) and the fast pace, hilarious situations and utterly mad set of characters and plot will please many a 10 to 12 year old with an off-beat sense of humour. But by the author's own admission, the series started life as a writing exercise and the knowing voice seems to speak to writers everywhere and adults more than children. So maybe it's one of those weird things called cross-over books.

But whatever it is, I loved it. I had more fun reading this than anything else I've read for a long time. So thank you, the nice ladies at Orion, for sending me this doorstop sized wonder. And if a fifth book ever does get published can I have it, please, very pretty please?

As I mentioned the lovely people at Orion sent me this copy. If you want one for yourself please click below and Amazon will make a small contribution to the upkeep of this blog. Thanks.