For the seasonal cynics

OK. I shouldn't have done it. I should have resisted the temptation and I definitely shouldn't have said yes. But seriously? Someone offers you the scoop on what really happened to Laura Palmer and you were a total Twin Peaks addict all those years ago? Well, tell me, what would you do?

So a couple of weeks ago this dropped onto my doorstep courtesy of the lovely people at Simon and Schuster

I read the first couple of diary 'entries' as soon as I'd extracted the book from its jiffybag nest and was immediately transported back into that weird dream world that we all loved so much. Then real life got in the way and I didn't get back to it for a day or two.

But I picked it back up with relish and anticipation, read the new introductions by none other than Mark Frost and David Lynch themselves and settled down to be seduced once more.

Only it didn't happen.

I read some, struggled with how I felt about it, left it for a few days, read some more, struggled some more, frowned a lot and eventually concluded that it just wasn't a book I wanted to read.

Why? It's not badly written. Well, actually it is, but that's clearly a conceit, a clever way of getting into the voice of a teenage girl. So we'll let that one go. And the book certainly conjures up the nightmarish vision we came to expect from Twin Peaks. The earlier entries hinted brilliantly at what was going on too. But as the book went on, Laura got older, a bit too knowing and a lot too explicit.

And I think that was the problem. There was plenty of sex and drugs in the original series and it never bothered me. But a diary is a far more intimate medium. You read it and, if you identify with the writer, then you want to share their experiences. I did identify with Laura at the start. The clever, faux-bad writing does that to you. But I didn't want to identify with her as she started to seek out more and more extreme forms of synthetic stimulation. Far from it. To me it felt like we'd moved into shock territory. Shock for the sake of it. Pour epater la bourgouisie. I guess I'm just too old for that.

Which brings me onto my blog title. I feel I've read too many books this year which I just couldn't review because they were too bad. I've prevaricated for ages about what to do about this. Do I write a damning review? Or just ignore the book. Up to now I've chosen the second option. But it's Christmas, and someone has to redress the balance in the schmalz-fest.

So this is my view on The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer. If you liked Twin Peaks you'll like some of this. Whether you like it completely will depend on how you feel about your shock faculty being manipulated. The cynic in me says, 'Don't waste your money.' But the cynic also says 'Buy it. It's just what you'll need after all that turkey and Christmas pudding.'

The choice, dear reader, is yours.

Have a shockingly good Christmas.

Because Christmas is Coming

Far be it for me to follow the crowd, but I've read so many lists of book recommendations already this year and not found half the books I'd recommend on them and so I thought, well, if you can't beat them....

So here's my short, but sweet, list of, largely, YA titles, that you really should pop into those teen stockings.

GOLIATH by Scott Westerfeld - for the superb steam-punk illustrations by Keith Thompson and the exciting climax to Alex's and Dylan's story. And if you haven't read Leviathan or Behemoth, the two earlier books in this trilogy, then you really should get them too.

THE TRUTH ABOUT CELIA FROST by Paula Rawsthorn - for the twist that makes you realise that you aren't quite as clever as you thought you were.

GALLOWS AT TWILIGHT by William Hussey - for sheer visceral nastiness delivered with a wicked sense of humour. Given this is one of a series too. You might also want to add the first book, Dawn of the Demontide.

GHOST OF A CHANCE by Rhiannon Lassiter - for a spine chilling thrill and a nice little twist.

And now a couple that weren't actually published this year but ought to be included because they are just so very, very, good:

UNWIND by Neal Shusterman - for a concept that is truly horrifying, a chapter near the end that has you hiding behind the sofa, and being one of the most thought provoking teen books ever.

THE GRAVEYARD BOOK by Neil Gaiman - because you don't need me or anyone else to tell you why you should read it!











And finally:

IF I GROW UP by Todd Strasser - and for no other reason than that it gets more hits than any other review on this blog, and that must mean something...

2011 SCBWI Conference

Or you know when you've been SCWBI'd when:*

• You remember that Frank Cottrell Boyce said something about there being Grace in Chaos and wonder what on earth that meant

• You learn not to leave the hot water tap dripping - a pox on that noisy Victorian plumbing

• You make a mental note never to ask Anthony McGowan what he means by the Freytag Pyramid

•  You get unbelievably helpful advice from three lovely agents and a bubbly editor

•  You discover that Paula Rawsthorne can do a pretty good impersonation of Sara Grant

•   But wonder if Dave Cousins can do Miriam Halahmy without donning a wig

• You write a brilliant new opening chapter to your YA manuscript in Lil Chase's workshop (Well, Lil did say 'Wow!' at the end but maybe she was just being nice!)

• You make loads of new friends and followers for Facebook and Twitter

• A lovely new illustrator pal introduces you to the divine Chris Riddell over tea

• And your head's so fizzed the following day that the only thing you can do is dig, yes dig, a new flower bed
  

*with thanks to Nick Cross

GOLIATH by Scott Westerfeld

It doesn't seem that long ago that I was chatting with Scott about the forthcoming UK publication of Behemoth, the second in the Leviathan trilogy, and now we have Goliath, the third and final book. My, a year goes by quickly! And in that time, Scott and his illustrator Keith Thompson have, most definitely, produced another masterpiece.

 

I would have got round to reading Goliath a bit sooner but I had an umpteenth redraft to finish and so this book sort of burnt its way into my head. It meant that I polished off the redraft really quickly, popped it in a drawer and then, eureka, I could get onto Goliath. Only, of course, then, I didn't actually have anything else I really needed to do and that led to me reading a couple of hundred pages before I knew it. So I forced myself to slow down, because, frankly, you don't want to read this too quickly and sweep past the exquisite little niceties of the plot and the superbly intricate illustrations.

Goliath finds Alek and Dylan back on board the Leviathan and off to pick up Nikola Tesla, a Russian inventor who has created a machine, Goliath, which he claims can destroy half the world but which he wants to use as a threat to stop the war. Now, if you haven't read the two earlier books in this trilogy (Leviathan and Behemoth), you won't have made much sense of that. So let me direct you to my reviews of those books and my interview with Scott, which, at the very least, might explain the steampunk alternative world in which this story is set.

As, I guess, we've all hoped for a while now, Alek finally discovers that Dylan is a girl. This isn't a spoiler. Anyone could realise it would happen soon enough, and anyway, it's not the fact of the discovery which is interesting so much as the way it happens, in particular the exquisite little hints given by Alek's deliciously named perspicacious loris, Bovril. Indeed, one of the more delightful aspects of this book is the role played by the lorises and the irony that meets their increasingly perspicacious comments. This could be really grown up stuff, but my perception is that it wouldn't pass over the head of an intelligent 12 year old and it will certainly introduce them to a very useful new word! Of course, once Alek has made his discovery, all manner of emotions ensue: confusion, anger and resentment at what he sees as a betrayal, mourning for a lost friendship, acceptance and, well, I wouldn't want to reveal the ending but if you've read the rest of the books you can probably guess it. 

And all the while, the events unfolding around Alek and Dylan are becoming increasingly complex and threatening. In Leviathan, Westerfeld kept relatively close to First World War history. In Behemoth, events in the book started to part company with the historical record and in Goliath they part company pretty completely. Many of the characters are real historical people: Tesla, himself of course, but also William Randolph Hearst, Joseph Pulitzer, Adela Rogers St. Johns, Philip Francis and Francisco 'Pancho' Villa. Some are well know, others less so, and Westerfeld provides us with a neat little adendum at the end of the book which gives us brief bios of these characters and outlines where the book parts with reality. But had the real war followed the course here, many thousands of young men would not have died in the mud of Normandy.

Which leaves me to talk about the illustrations, because the strength of this series is as much in the illustrations as the writing and for me nothing sums up their power as the one entitled 'The Walker Shoots Deryn'. This single page sets the harsh intricacies of the Clanker walker against the almost lyrical sinuousness of Deryn's 'wings'; one a heavily shaded, metallic structure with detailed irregular shaped knobbly extrusions, the other depicted more by white space than line, and drawn with a sweeping light touch that makes the wings seem to shimmer against the background. I'd love to be able to share a copy of this with you, but I don't have that authority. So you'll just have to take my word for it when I say that one page is quite simply masterful.

So, this is the end of the trilogy. I can't imagine what Westerfeld will come up with next. I just hope that this isn't the last we've seen of his collaboration with Keith Thompson.

The lovely folk at Simon & Schuster sent me this review copy. If you want to get one for yourself pleae buy it via the link below and Amazon will make a small contribution to the maintenance of this blog.