For the seasonal cynics

OK. I shouldn't have done it. I should have resisted the temptation and I definitely shouldn't have said yes. But seriously? Someone offers you the scoop on what really happened to Laura Palmer and you were a total Twin Peaks addict all those years ago? Well, tell me, what would you do?

So a couple of weeks ago this dropped onto my doorstep courtesy of the lovely people at Simon and Schuster

I read the first couple of diary 'entries' as soon as I'd extracted the book from its jiffybag nest and was immediately transported back into that weird dream world that we all loved so much. Then real life got in the way and I didn't get back to it for a day or two.

But I picked it back up with relish and anticipation, read the new introductions by none other than Mark Frost and David Lynch themselves and settled down to be seduced once more.

Only it didn't happen.

I read some, struggled with how I felt about it, left it for a few days, read some more, struggled some more, frowned a lot and eventually concluded that it just wasn't a book I wanted to read.

Why? It's not badly written. Well, actually it is, but that's clearly a conceit, a clever way of getting into the voice of a teenage girl. So we'll let that one go. And the book certainly conjures up the nightmarish vision we came to expect from Twin Peaks. The earlier entries hinted brilliantly at what was going on too. But as the book went on, Laura got older, a bit too knowing and a lot too explicit.

And I think that was the problem. There was plenty of sex and drugs in the original series and it never bothered me. But a diary is a far more intimate medium. You read it and, if you identify with the writer, then you want to share their experiences. I did identify with Laura at the start. The clever, faux-bad writing does that to you. But I didn't want to identify with her as she started to seek out more and more extreme forms of synthetic stimulation. Far from it. To me it felt like we'd moved into shock territory. Shock for the sake of it. Pour epater la bourgouisie. I guess I'm just too old for that.

Which brings me onto my blog title. I feel I've read too many books this year which I just couldn't review because they were too bad. I've prevaricated for ages about what to do about this. Do I write a damning review? Or just ignore the book. Up to now I've chosen the second option. But it's Christmas, and someone has to redress the balance in the schmalz-fest.

So this is my view on The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer. If you liked Twin Peaks you'll like some of this. Whether you like it completely will depend on how you feel about your shock faculty being manipulated. The cynic in me says, 'Don't waste your money.' But the cynic also says 'Buy it. It's just what you'll need after all that turkey and Christmas pudding.'

The choice, dear reader, is yours.

Have a shockingly good Christmas.

Because Christmas is Coming

Far be it for me to follow the crowd, but I've read so many lists of book recommendations already this year and not found half the books I'd recommend on them and so I thought, well, if you can't beat them....

So here's my short, but sweet, list of, largely, YA titles, that you really should pop into those teen stockings.

GOLIATH by Scott Westerfeld - for the superb steam-punk illustrations by Keith Thompson and the exciting climax to Alex's and Dylan's story. And if you haven't read Leviathan or Behemoth, the two earlier books in this trilogy, then you really should get them too.

THE TRUTH ABOUT CELIA FROST by Paula Rawsthorn - for the twist that makes you realise that you aren't quite as clever as you thought you were.

GALLOWS AT TWILIGHT by William Hussey - for sheer visceral nastiness delivered with a wicked sense of humour. Given this is one of a series too. You might also want to add the first book, Dawn of the Demontide.

GHOST OF A CHANCE by Rhiannon Lassiter - for a spine chilling thrill and a nice little twist.

And now a couple that weren't actually published this year but ought to be included because they are just so very, very, good:

UNWIND by Neal Shusterman - for a concept that is truly horrifying, a chapter near the end that has you hiding behind the sofa, and being one of the most thought provoking teen books ever.

THE GRAVEYARD BOOK by Neil Gaiman - because you don't need me or anyone else to tell you why you should read it!











And finally:

IF I GROW UP by Todd Strasser - and for no other reason than that it gets more hits than any other review on this blog, and that must mean something...